9 Queer Kisses That Changed Our Lives

From The O.C. to Rent to Brokeback Mountain, nine LGBTQ+ actors and musicians tell us about the first queer kiss they can remember seeing on-screen.
Mischa Barton in The O.C.
Mischa Barton in The O.C.FOX

In mid-April, Pete Buttigieg kissed his husband Chasten, something he's likely done many times since they married last year. But this wasn't just any kiss: it took place on stage at Buttigieg's Presidential Rally in South Bend, Indiana, where he first announced his candidacy as an openly gay man.

Their seemingly innocent act was highly celebrated on social media as a watershed moment of queer visibility. Much like Gus Kenworthy’s viral kiss with boyfriend Matthew Wilkas during last year’s winter Olympics, the smooch shared between same-sex The Prom leads during last year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, or Abby Wambach's kiss with then-wife Sarah Huffman after winning the World Cup in 2015, highly public displays of queer love are affecting in ways that are hard to quantify. Despite the continued growth of LGBTQ+ acceptance and representation, we still see far too few physical acts of queer love reflected in the media. We certainly haven't seen such a thing in a Presidential candidate until now.

In celebration of Buttigieg's big gay kiss, we asked nine LGBTQ+ actors and musicians to share the on-screen queer kisses that most affected them, and why.

Evan Rachel Wood and Nikki Reed in 'Thirteen'.Fox Searchlight

Josiah Victoria Garcia, who stars on Netflix's tales of the city, premiering June 7

Immediately, I thought of the movie Thirteen. I was eight when it came out, so I probably saw it when I was 10 or 11. It's kind of dark, but it is the first one that stands out vividly in my head. It was significant to me because I was watching that movie with my mom, oddly. I just remember that kiss coming up, and it wasn't the most positive reaction from my mom — it was a weird moment. I was just like, 'Why is that crazy to her and not to me? What does that mean?' And it was interesting because these girls were a mess at 13, and I thought the film was really realistic and honest about how they experimented with their sexuality and with drugs, and even self-harm. I knew girls specifically in my circle who were going through those roller coasters. It wasn't just the kiss — it was those characters in themselves, and experiencing that kiss with them

Arthur Moon, whose new album is out August 2

I was a transfer student at Smith College in the late 2000s, and my roommate saw me quietly pining after the hot older queer in our dorm. She discreetly left a DVD of Imagine Me & You on my bed one night before she went out. It's this 2005 British romcom in which Lena Headey (who plays a lesbian florist — I think we're meant to know she's a lesbian because her pants are sort of low in the crotch?) and Piper Perabo (who plays the presumed straight woman whose wedding Lena Headey was the florist for) carry on a secret lesbian love affair (which we know because of the extended eye contact and the sweaty DDR-playing).

There's this one scene where Piper shows up at Lena's flower shop to tell her that their unconsummated affair is 'over,' and storms out, leaving a stunned Lena behind. But she returns moments later in a mid-2000s boot-cut-jeaned lustful lesbian tizzy, and the two proceed to make out, madly rolling in — I kid you not — a bed of red roses in the shop's stock room. At one point during this scene, Lena's character screams 'Ow! Thorns in my bum!' I watched this movie over and over again that semester, searching for clues about how to kiss girls and how to get girls to kiss you in beds of roses or twin dorm beds, or wherever, really.

Stephanie Rice, who appeared on The Voice and just released her new single "Pages"

Characters Bette and Tina not only shared a kiss in the opening scene of The L Word, but it was in the context of their discussing having a baby. It was the first time I saw two women kiss, but it was also the first time that I realized I could have a 'normal' life, too — I had seen no representation of what my life might look like if I came out. That kiss in that scene alone made an impact on me, but homosexuals had been painted with such negativity in my upbringing, I didn't even think it was possible for two women to be in a committed, loving relationship discussing their future and building a life together. It was quite overwhelming, to say the least.

Mischa Barton in The O.C.FOX

pronoun, whose album i'll show you stronger is available May 27

Marissa Cooper and Alex Kelly on The O.C. That show was on right as I was beginning to realize I may have feelings for women. People may make fun of The O.C., but that show addressed a lot of controversial issues, especially for rich white kids in California (haha). But seriously, the Alex / Marissa plot line really shed some light on bisexuality to a demographic that wasn't very familiar with it.

Brendan Scannell of the new Netflix series Bonding

I’m from a small town in Indiana and was an SNL superfan as a kid, which meant Adam Sandler was God. I remember seeing Big Daddy when it came out in 1999, and in the movie, he has two friends who are a gay couple. A few scenes into the movie they make out, and one of them says 'I love you. See you at home.' The moment isn’t really played for laughs, and Sandler’s character is notably cool for the 90s with his law school friends both realizing they are gay and falling in love. I read somewhere that sometimes that moment is edited out in more conservative countries, and I’m looking forward to a future where that stops happening. The movie opened #1 and made $41 million in its first weekend, which is insanity. As a young kid just discovering comedy and my queerness, my heart would race whenever I watched that moment with my fellow Sandler-obsessed friends. Basically, I want to thank Adam Sandler for making me a comedian and making me gay!

Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Jesse L. Martin in RENT. Copyright Columbia/courtesy Everett Collection© Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

Ellen Kempner of Palehound, whose album Black Friday is out June 7

When I was in sixth grade, I became absolutely obsessed with Rent (the movie version). I hadn’t yet come to terms with the fact that I was queer, and I grew up in a very ungay place, so that was the first time I saw queer people kissing. I would watch it every day and rewind whenever Joanne and Maureen or Angel and Tom would make out or gaze lovingly into each other's eyes.

Atlantic Records

Grayson, whose new EP, Head To Head, is out May 10

It might be shocking, but the first queer kiss that I remember or that truly registered was the video 'Girls Like Girls' by Hayley Kioko. I was raised in an environment where queer media was non-existent. I was 17, had been living away from home for a few years, and just starting to come out to myself. Seeing that video really affected me. It was a moment when I remember feeling seen, but also nervous because of how seen I felt. My whole life has very much lacked queer visibility. That’s why, in my experience and understanding, visibility is key to the present and future.

Uncle Meg, whose new EP Butterfly is available now

I think the first couple I saw that influenced me was the classic Ellen and Portia. I was 14 years old, in 9th grade, growing up in West Virginia. At that point, I had a secret girlfriend and knew I was queer, but growing up in a conservative and very old school Christian environment, I didn’t feel safe being open until I was 18 and just didn’t care anymore. I had a huge crush on Portia and aspired to have a relationship that looked as loving as theirs. It was like 2004, a time when a lot more specialized and niche blogs were popping up on the internet. I would get on my family’s old desktop computer and search these lesbian blogs deeply when no one was home. Portia and Ellen gave me hope that I may be able to be public and proud one day, and that other LGBTQ+ couples were now being public and somewhat accepted.

Heather Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in 'Brokeback Mountain'.Focus Features

Lucy Spraggan, whose new album Today Was a Good Day is out May 3

The first onscreen LGBTQ+ kiss I saw was Brokeback Mountain when I was 14 years old. I was watching this film with my mum and recall the reaction to the sex scene quite vividly; I remember feeling quite uncomfortable not because it was two men, though! It was because it was a sex scene and I was a teenager, and my mother was in the room. I think this shows how progressively things were moving in the early 2000s where media and TV were opening up doors that hadn’t been before. As a kid born in the early 90s I struggle to look back on a time where there wasn't that type of LGBTQ representation on screen, and I am delighted to see actors, musicians, athletes, and politicians kissing the people they love in the media today.

Interviews have been edited for clarity.

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